Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
