Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I smell like Dick and happiness
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
