and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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