Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
