Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
