oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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