I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
