Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
