where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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