I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
