New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
