Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
