I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
