Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
