if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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