Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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