Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
