drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
