Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
