if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
