How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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