I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
