I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
