I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
