its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
