Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize