Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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