New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize