I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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