Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
