Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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