Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
