wake up i wanna do it froggy style
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
