Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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