Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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