At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
