sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
