i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
