I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
