I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
