a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize