he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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