Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
