I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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