Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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