Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
