the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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