just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize