Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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