I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
