you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
