The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
