you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize