he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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