I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
