I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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