I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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