Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize