how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
