the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
