He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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