She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
