I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
