So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
