someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize