You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
