swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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